What would be the best wording for this (repost)?

I want the beginning of the speech’s introduction to be something about how un-feng shui the classroom is… and how everyone in the room is getting "stabbed" by poison arrows because the room has so many pointy things like corners. The intro has to be attention getting… does that mean I need to shout?

Or maybe I can use a rhetorical question "How compatible are you with your house?" or maybe play "having relationship, school, etc. problems?" Since feng shui cures this apparently…

I’m doing an informative speech The Fundamentals of Feng Shui for my worst class ENGLISH with the devil… >_<

I honestly don’t know what you could write about..?

But, don’t scream.

Teachers get mad when you scream.