could you teach me English (writing)?

I am a foreign student. i have to review my writing.
Architects is my topic.
Can someone correct my grammar and make complex sentences.
I don’t know how to link two sentence. For example,
" First of all, architects should be artistic. They usually have great artistic talent. "
can I rewrite " first of all, architects should be artistic and they usually have great artistic talent."
Is it ok ?
If you find some wrong sentences please tell me. Thanks a lot.

Architects have three essential characteristics that make them outstanding people. First of all, architects should be artistic. They usually have great artistic talent. For example, the Taipei 101’s designer, Lee would combine Taiwanese culture and Chinese traditional Feng- Shui to shows his artistic talent in his creations. His buildings can give people sensuous pleasure. In addition, they have to have the ability of communication because they are interested in solving problems and have their own ideas. For instance, when customers want to change the design plan, they have to communicate carefully with them and talk to them about the design concept in a simple and clear way. Good communication skills are therefore, important for this job. Finally. They should be considerate. They must always think of other people’s wishes and feelings. For example, when architects build a school, they have to consider what is important for students. They must be able to design a centre that encourages children’s independence. To sum up, an excellent architect should be artistic, communicative and considerate.
My teacher ask me write a paragraph.

Architects have three essential characteristics which make them outstanding people. Firstly, architects usually have great artistic talent. For example, Lee, Taipei 101′s designer, would combine Taiwanese culture and Chinese traditional Feng-Shui to showcase his artistic flair in his creations. His buildings can be a sensuous delight for people.

Secondly, architects must be able to communicate well and effectively because they are interested in problem-solving and have their own ideas. For instance, when customers want to change the design plans, the architects have to be able to communicate carefully with them and explain the design concept in a simple and clear manner. Good communication skills are important for this job.

Thirdly, architects should be considerate. They must always think of other people’s wishes and feelings. For example, when architects build schools, they have to consider what is important for the students. They must be able to design centres which encourage children’s independence.

In conclusion, an excellent architect is artistic, an excellent communicator and considerate.